Hold On, Pain Ends

Lyndra | Graduated January 2022

Going to prison was kind of a shock for me.

I had a whole bunch of fear and things in my head that led me to the dramatic conclusion that I would somehow die alone in prison. Isn’t it ironic that prison is where I began to live because I had already been dead in spirit. Day two in prison, I was approached by an old friend I used to get high with. Besides the stale orange clothing I could tell right away there was something different about her.

She had a new attitude, a new energy about her that was attractive to me. She invited me to a meeting and at San Carlos there was practically a meeting every night. At that meeting, I was embraced and shown warmth from people I didn’t even know. Women talked about real things that were happening in their lives. Most of all, they talked about how a Higher Power was giving them strength and direction. I, too, related to them because I had not been the mom my son deserved.

I had come from an abusive family, and I had never known happiness.

I wanted what they had and I spent the next years putting everything I had into recovery for myself and others. A friend told me about New Freedom on the yard and I wrote them a letter to see what it was all about. I was assigned a mentor who wrote me regularly. I wanted to go to New Freedom upon my release for many reasons one being I simply needed to do everything different than I had before. I happened to get released on a day with quite a few other men and women. October 1st, 2021 I believe it was the day a new Senate Bill kicked in.

New Freedom had to send two vans to pick all of us up from Perryville. My anxiety was through the roof because it felt as if it all hit me at once. Taken out of my comfort zone, interacting with new people, having freedom, I had to take a deep breath and remember this was what I had been preparing for all along. Once I got to New Freedom it all calmed down. We had a great group of girls that I programmed with and I am very happy I took that time for myself.

“Graduating New Freedom was a major accomplishment for me. I am so glad that I never gave up on myself. If I would have given up, I never would have met the true me. I never would have experienced joy, happiness, and self-worth. After I graduated, I got a job working in sober living and eventually started working as a peer support.”

My son I mentioned before, had been adopted by a family member of his father.

I contacted her right away and explained I didn’t want anything but the opportunity to be a part of his life. She recommended that we see how things go now that I am out and it encouraged me even more. I worked with my therapist to finally let go of a toxic relationship in my life. It wasn’t an easy thing to do but it was something that had to be done for me to let go of my past and move on.

Graduating New Freedom was a major accomplishment for me. I am so glad that I never gave up on myself. If I would have given up, I never would have met the true me. I never would have experienced joy, happiness, and self-worth. After I graduated, I got a job working in sober living and eventually started working as a peer support.

Have you ever jumped off a roof into a pool?

I hadn’t either and in fact, I don’t even like heights or doing crazy stuff like that but there I was. I hesitated last minute, didn’t get the running start I needed, and ended up shattering my ankles on the side of the pool. It put me out of everything for months! I ended up loosing my job because I couldn’t work. The bright side is it opened up a door for me at New Freedom. They hired me on as a Peer Support, wheelchair and all.

Life throws curveballs but I feel freer and happier than I have ever felt in my life. It’s beautiful. I am considering pursuing a career in behavioral health. I have healthy relationships with friends and family and I believe there is always hope. Hold On Pain Ends, I was told that once and it stuck with me so now I share it with others. Never give up, keep fighting. It will be better than you could have ever imagined. Just hold on, Keep HOPE.