One More Cherished Resource

Cesar | Graduated April 2021

My life has been transformed from a state of hopelessness to incredible triumph and it is my honor to share my testimony on how that became possible.

The last thing that had meaning in my life was the relationships with my Fiancé and our children. Every other relationship had been ruined and damaged. While in prison, I was informed that my Fiancé had overdosed on fentanyl and the kids had been placed in foster care. The most painful thing about that experience was my inability to help. There was nothing I could do about it, I was powerless. Through that experience, I made a resolution for change. I quickly found myself high once again, the necessary power for change, wasn’t there.

The outlet I knew was violence and drugs but now there was a tremendous amount of guilt associated with that lifestyle because my kids were left without their father.

I believed I loved my kids but my actions didn’t reflect how I felt. Desperately, I cried out to God and asked Him to help me. It wasn’t long before the thoughts turned to attending church service, Alcoholic Anonymous meetings, and bible studies. I believe this was a gift from God because I never had considered these things on my own. I began to attend, and it wasn’t long before I began to see a seed of hope growing within me. Naturally, as I began this process, D.O.C. decided it was time to be reclassified and moved to a minimum custody unit.

When I hit North Unit in 2019, within a couple of days of being on the yard, I was approached by two gentlemen who wanted to welcome me to the yard and inform me of the recovery group they offered through Alcoholics Anonymous. At the time I may have had a little bit of prejudice to that program. I told them that if they weren’t talking about the Bible, I didn’t want anything to do with it. The older gentleman stayed and talked to me further seemingly undeterred by my reluctance and skepticism. After we talked, I figured out of desperation, perhaps, I should go see what they were talking about for myself.

“Today I use my dark past as a light of hope to those desperately searching for a way out. God has blessed my faith in action. My children and I live happily together in our own home while we wait for their mother to come and join us. God uses us who have been broken to display His divine power.”

I walked into my first meeting and heard convincing testimonies of people who were just as bad or worse than me but had found a solution to their problems.

What I hadn’t predicted was that the solution was finding a Power greater than themselves. That’s exactly what I had been searching for. I learned that I had to put my recovery first, so that everything that I love didn’t have to come last anymore. On the spot, right there, I got a sponsor and began my steps. The remainder of my time in prison was spent; sponsoring, helping others, studying the Bible, attending meetings, and anything I could do to become the best version of myself. This combination resulted in an awakening and a new way of living.

Towards the very end of my sentence, God introduced me to one more cherished resource. That resource was Denise McDonald, whom I had met at an AA meeting on our yard. We started writing each other consistently and she became my mentor. I loved talking with her and she was amazing but I had no intentions of coming to New Freedom. Then, parole denied my address. Today, I know that God had his hands all over that decision. Last minute, Denise was able to accept me into New Freedom. I came to the program with resolve to match the same intensity I put towards my recovery on the yard, out here on the streets. I knew this worked because I saw the people who came before me succeeding.

Not only was the New Freedom program an extension of what I had already been doing, it was the introduction into the community that would become my friends and family.

I successfully graduated New Freedom and went into a house management position for a sober living home. I worked as a landscaper with the goal to work at NF after six months. Six months to the day after graduation, I was hired as a mentor. Today I use my dark past as a light of hope to those desperately searching for a way out. God has blessed my faith in action. My children and I live happily together in our own home while we wait for their mother to come and join us. God uses us who have been broken to display His divine power.